Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
