She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
