You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
