happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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