I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
