ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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