I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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