It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
