i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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