I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
