thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
