I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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