I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
