trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
