well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
