The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize