I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
