Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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