sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
