At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
