He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
