Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
