return my video game
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
