Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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