I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
