everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
