You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
