just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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