we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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