i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
