doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
