that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
