hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
