Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
