Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sext me about skeletons
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
