I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is the high leading the old right now
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
