i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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