dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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