the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
