Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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