well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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