She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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