your thong is hanging out like whoa
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
