He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
