I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We need a shit load of segways right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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