Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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