party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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