It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
