Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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