sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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