I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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