Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
