Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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