I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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