I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
