Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
