girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
